“All right, people, please come to order. Our guest today, to explain what’s going on at City Hall, is the Advocate’s special political consultant, Vinnie ‘Don’t make no waves, don’t back no losers’ Marsucci. Vinnie, I’m sure there are many questions for you.”
“T’anks, and it’s always a pleasure to be in this wunnerful city. How can I help?”
“Vinnie?”
“Yeah, you in de front.”
“I was wondering when the council was going to fire the city manager.”
“And why would de council do that?”
“Well, isn’t the city broke? And there is this mess with the police department.”
“Answer me dis, pal. Like your ponytail, by de way. If they didn’t fire him in February, when he suddenly discovered the city was broke because sales tax receipts didn’t meet his projections, why would they fire him now? Besides, de whole point of having a city manager is to keep politics out of running de city. And if de council fires him, aren’t they injecting politics into city government? And have you heard any member of the council make any kind of public statement about how he has to go?”
“Well, maybe, but didn’t he handle the police thing badly?”
“Why? Because he didn’t fire de chief sooner? Or because it looked bad on TV? How you gonna fire someone and make it look good on TV? And dis business about de police chief is getting kind of old anyway. Last time I checked, Dallas County voters overwhelmingly re-elected de district attorney who was prosecuting de immigrants de cops were framing for selling drugs, and those crooked cops were supposed to be a reason for firing de police chief. So it’s a bit hypocritical to want to fire de police chief when you didn’t fire de DA. Yeah, you, de cranky old guy by the door.”
“I don’t care what you say. I want the city to be run like a business.”
“Which business would that be? Enron? WorldCom?”
“You know what I mean. …”
“Yep, and de city is run like a business — so what are you complaining about? De budget balances, there aren’t any new taxes, and de garbage is still getting picked up. City cut services and laid people off to make ends meet, just like a business would. And de police chief who wasn’t doing a good job got fired. What more do you want?”
“Umm, well. …”
“Ahh, sit down. De thing I love about voters like you is that they know exactly what they want, but they don’t want to pay for it, and then they want to blame someone else if what they want doesn’t work. You can’t have it both ways — lower taxes and increased city services, like extra cops. And why would de council fire a guy who is doing exactly what they want him to do? What you elected the council to ask him to do? Assuming you voted, of course. Yeah, you in de Action News outfit.”
“The city is in a turmoil! City Hall is paralyzed! The council is in disarray!”
“Cute outfit, by de way. What does that mean: turmoil, paralysis, disarray? The stoplights aren’t working? There are mobs in de street? Yes, de crime rate is up, and de guy who was police chief when it went up got fired. So why ain’t you happy?”
“There’s a crisis of leadership!”
“Of course there’s a crisis of leadership. This is a council-manager form of government. There aren’t supposed to be any leaders. That’s de whole point. De mayor can go around pretending she’s Rudy Giuliani as much as she wants, and it’s all an act. She isn’t even de police chief’s boss. No one on de council is. The chief reports to an assistant city manager, who reports to de manager, who reports to de council. Just as if he was de guy who runs de parks department. Hey, you get what you pay for. So why aren’t you enjoying it?”
