42 years of love and advocacy in Lakewood Heights

Melanie Vanlandingham and Barbara Koegl, known for their neighborhood advocacy, have made lovely memories on the porch of their craftsman bungalow in Lakewood Heights.  They enjoy coffee there most mornings, sip wine there in the evenings and frequently visit with family and friends there. It’s also where Vanlandingham, on bended knee, asked Koegl to marry her on June 26, 2015, the very day gay marriage became legal.

Their 42-year love story has been a journey, one not without its challenges of being a same-sex couple in a straight and often judgmental world. 

“But our story is also remarkably commonplace and so like others,” insists Vanlandingham.

The two met in 1981 when they were undergraduates at Stephen F. Austin State University in Nacogdoches. That all-important first impression was clearly a good one for both.

“Mel was easy to talk to,” recalls Koegl, “And she was smart, with a ready smile and a quick sense of humor.”

The attraction was mutual.

“Though it was a brief introduction, I was struck by Barb’s smile, her cleverness and charm,” smiles Vanlandingham. “The kind of person everyone wants to get to know.”

Fate stepped in a few days later.

“Our first date was happenstance when she came to my house with other friends,” Vanlandingham remembers. “We were both surprised and happy to see each other again, even though we’d only met briefly before. I quickly asked if she wanted to walk down the block for coffee and donuts.”

As poor college students, their early days revolved around school: studying at the library together, simple meals, walking on campus and meeting with friends.  Both loved the outdoors, so hiking East Texas forests became part of their courtship as well. 

And muffins. Don’t forget the muffins.

“One of my favorite memories is seeing her across the campus common, walking toward me, smiling and carrying her now-famous blueberry muffins,” says Vanlandingham.     

“I made them to surprise Mel, “smiles Koegl. “I was smitten.”

“It worked. Her baking and cooking skills were revealed very early!” says Vanlandingham.  Her legendary baking skills would ultimately lead to a career in the restaurant/grocery industry.

They also shared a love for the same music: Fleetwood Mac, Joni Mitchell, Janis Ian, Dan Fogelberg, James Taylor, Carol King, etc.  Koegl recalls that their first Valentine’s Day together was spent at a Dan Fogelberg concert in Dallas.

A few months went by before they moved in together.  After both graduated, one of their first jobs was in rural Oklahoma, where Vanlandingham worked as a forest researcher. Though she loved the job, their time in Oklahoma was short.

“It didn’t seem safe or wise to share our relationship openly,” they explain. “It created strain and frustration at times, but we’ve always been each other’s safe harbor.”    

The next stop was Texas A&M, where Vanlandingham attended graduate school to study Landscape Architecture. After a few years, the two made their way back home: Vanlandingham had grown up in East Dallas and Koegl in Oak Cliff and Duncanville.   

It didn’t take long for the two to become involved in neighborhood issues, and they are now well known for fighting for East Dallas. “Strengthening community is a passion for me,” says Vanlandingham. “And Barb is often on the front lines with me.”    

Koegl adds, “We started 25 years ago with LHNA (Lakewood Heights Neighborhood Association) during the teardown years by starting ‘Front Yard Picnics’ to bring old and new neighbors back together.   We’ve also helped on friends’ groups for Tietze Park and Willis Winters Park for great park projects and sensitive improvements.”  The two are also involved in the historic preservation of Swiss Avenue’s Aldredge House.

Vanlandingham has also worked with the Dallas Homeowners League and helped write the city’s Neighborhood Stabilization Overlay Zoning. She has gone to battle over some projects which would threaten the stability and safety of East Dallas neighborhoods, and she helped re-draw the Dallas City Council redistricting map.

The couple were busy simply living their lives, full of shared interests and love, when the U.S. Supreme Court deemed gay marriage legal on June 26, 2015. “We cried in disbelief and joy,” they say.  Then Vanlandingham surprised Koegl. “Just before I left for work, Mel knelt down and proposed on our front porch. I cried and smiled all the way to work. I told everyone at work and they were just as happy. It was a huge day!”

They wasted no time and headed downtown three days later to the courthouse where they said their vows. “Having that option and that ‘piece of paper’ just didn’t matter–or because it seemed a total impossibility, it couldn’t matter – until we were able to get it,” explains Vanlandingham. “Being finally able to marry was a relief and social acknowledgment and validation of us as a couple and all the years together.”

The couple has built a life together these four decades. Now that Koegl is retired, they plan to travel more, with an eye on national parks and the East Coast.  Back home in East Dallas, they continue their community advocacy, attend concerts and museums, and enjoy quiet time at their bungalow where they watch sunsets and frequently cook together – and have been known to dance in the kitchen, two-stepping and swing their favorite moves.  “It’s the little things,” smiles Koegl.

“Sharing our story doesn’t always come naturally as it’s one that often was silenced,” admits Vanlandingham. “We’ve looked beyond that during our 42 years together, though, and let our lives and our relationships with friends, family and our neighborhood speak for themselves.”