Question: What do I do when my three-year-old son throws tantrums? By tantrums, I mean he hits and screams. He only does this at my office where we have an on-site nanny.
Answer: The only reason a child chooses a behavior is because he discovered the behavior is effective in getting what he wants.
Children are also very good at knowing when, where and on whom to use a specific behavior. Your child at some point was experiencing a bad moment, that happens often in the life of a two-year-old. This moment escalated into a tantrum.
Somehow in all the confusion, the child got his way. This stayed in his memory and the next time the situation seemed right, he pulled out his new trick. This is the moment of truth, will the behavior work again?
An isolated event has the opportunity to become a behavior. The good news is that you are in control. You, the parent, caregiver, determine what effect this behavior will have by how you respond. Children stop using inappropriate behaviors when the behaviors stop working. The next time your child chooses this behavior you stay calm, hold his hands, look directly at him and tell him “People are not for hitting.”
If this behavior continues, remove him from the group, sit him down and in a very firm voice tell him again, that people are not for hitting. Let go and when he screams, and he will, tell him, “I know you are mad, but I don’t understand screaming” and walk away. Let him scream. If you follow this process, the tantrums will stop.
The lesson here is as much for you as it is for your child. Inappropriate behavior should never be rewarded. This is one of the hardest areas of parenting because it calls upon you not to waver.
Question: My husband recently lost his job and money is tight. How much should my children know about the severity of our situation? What can I do to ease the stress in our family right now?
Answer: Children are very smart and are keenly aware of situations – both good and bad. The best policy is to state, with as few words as possible, the situation. Children will tell you they’re concerns if given the opportunity. Answer their questions to the point, don’t give information that they haven’t asked for.
The most important thing is to reassure them that the family will endure and that you have the situation well in hand, imply this even if you don’t. Let your children know what they can do to help the family through this time. Open communication will bring your family closer together and help everyone through this stressful time.
