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Breaking the code

Eloise, Ester, Squeak and Spike sent the following article to us not so long ago with the intent that we distribute it among their kitty colleagues.

These four little felines didn’t reveal the source of their Rules for Cats – but just like dogs, cats have some guidelines for enhancing the lives of their human companions.

Rules for Cats Who Have a House to Run:

Doors: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on your hind legs and hammer with your forepaws. Once the door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an outside door open, stand half-way in and out and think for awhile; this is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow or mosquito season.

Chairs and Rugs: If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you can’t manage in time, get to an Oriental rug.

Bathrooms: Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything – just sit and stare.

Helping: If one of your humans is engaged in an activity and the other one is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called “helping” (a.k.a hampering) and is done as follows:

When supervising cooking, sit just behind and to the left of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.

For book readers, get in close, under the chin, between the eyes and the book, unless you can lie across the book itself.

For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work, so as to obscure as much as possible, or at least the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and swat the pencil or knitting needles.

If the human is working at a table, it is good to scatter any pages by rolling around on them. Pushing pens, pencils, erasers and anything else off the table creates more room for scattering the pages.

When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, jump on the back of the paper. Humans love the resulting adrenaline surge.

Walking: As often as possible, dart quickly and as closely as possible in front of the human, especially if he/she is on the stairs or has something in his/her arms, or if it is dark or the first thing in the morning. This activity helps hone their coordination skills and is appreciated.

Bedtime: Always sleep on the human at night such that he/she cannot move.


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By |2015-03-14T23:17:00-05:00July 1st, 1997|All Columns, All Magazine Articles, Pets|0 Comments

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